Monday, May 25, 2009

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MENTAL ABUSE, AS HARMFUL AS PHYSICAL




bone fractures, joint swelling, seizures, loss of sight and hearing, among other conditions, women report suffering physical harm from their partner. But those suffering from mental abuse have other complications, some serious.

psychological abuse that a woman can receive from your partner is as bad as physical, according to a recent study by the University of South Carolina (U.S.). "We found that mental violence was associated with many consequences for physical health rudeness committed by an intimate partner," says research director, Ann Coker.

reaching this conclusion the researchers questioned women admitted 1.152 or treated in different hospitals, for a period of two years (ending in January 1999). Thanks to this work found that 54% of respondents had had any problems in physical or psychological abuse by their partner.

Meanwhile, 14% said they had received no physical violence, psychological abuse, mental abuse defined as continuous feelings of danger and loss of power and control. When discussing their health problems, this group of women showed the same low esteem as those who received physical abuse, causing poor vision of his physical and mental health.

As part of the study, noted that women subjected to psychological abuse were twice as likely to suffer from chronic pain, sexually transmitted infections chronic pelvic pain, stomach ulcers, colon spasms and migraine, as compared with those who maintained a stable relationship.

Finally, Ann Coker stated that "as with the monitoring of chronic diseases, early detection of domestic abuse could lead to an effective intervention to reduce the number of such events and mortality associated with them."

In Mexico, the psychological and physical abuse is more common than believed, although few people looking for specialized help. If you are in a similar situation or knows someone with this problem deemed to exist in the country, many civil associations working to support victims of this type of behavior, they can be instructed to report the matter to the appropriate authorities.

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FALL WHEN GOOD IS AN OBSESSION

Those who feel anxious need to be accepted, often fall into the error of decorating their own be looking to make an impression on others. This reflects the insecurity of the individual, which requires simple effort to overcome it, we can help you take a first step.

You may agree with the following: as part of personal development, it is reasonable and positive one views do things to please others. However, there are many people that, even understood as transcendental opinion aroused in others, do not know how to win affection, kindness and affection of men around them.

The problem takes bigger dimensions when such individuals seek to seduce their fellows to obtain love, recognition, support and respect the environment by launching a sort of decoy for an answer, which is not always expected and instead there indifference or, worse, contempt. So failure is attributed to misunderstanding of the other or its low sensitivity to appreciate the virtues of the person concerned.

According to English psychologist Margaret Pascual, is indicated how to measure the intensity of our own attitudes towards interaction with others, not to seem intrusive or manipulative, or otherwise, be described as proud and arrogant when you've made the decision to show extremely quiet, because all you do is hide the insecurity. The specialist referred

another example of what often occurs is that of who is getting the respect of others putting in the forefront of action to show their ability and intelligence, with the obvious risk of becoming a great tyrant things will only get submitted or enmities.

Be as you are
It is proven that people who show spontaneous and relaxed created an aura around him in admiration, respect and affection, without imitating behavior. Let us pause to think about the following aspects of our personality:

personal appearance. We really care about our appearance, as it is our calling card. Keep in mind that there are costumes and accessories, which can cause negative reactions in some people. Therefore, we adapt our options, preferences and aesthetic possibilities to the impression that we cause. Take your time and attention to hygiene and personal care, because good body image enhances personal safety and opens doors social acceptance.
attitude towards life. It is another aspect as important as above, as pessimism, distrust, intolerance, self-reliance or self-centeredness not only do not like anyone, but that should not be housing them within us. Check your state of mind and control your feelings and emotions, to not interfere in their relationships with others.
Vigílese. Do not overwhelm others with what they have or have concerns, share problems does not mean endorsed to others. Do not interpret the thoughts of others, or try to guess, is likely to be wrong. Manage silences, but not to think about their things, but to show respect and interest the feelings of the other.
Tolerance. To be liked nothing better than to love others, listen, respect their feelings and be in place. Respect for those who think and act differently to ours helps us to have better picture. Learn to listen to the other person to feel accompanied and understood, ask questions.
self-confidence. Think of being as it really may entail some difficulties and has the right to make mistakes, to say differently from others, to change their mind and protest when receiving unfair treatment. It's good to have attitudes and thoughts that have to learning. Security
. Show yourself making sure, for example, using tone of voice and firm or looking to face the speaker. In discussions avoid using messages that are downloaded to the other the responsibility or blame for the conflict. Dare to use the statement "I", stating the respects in which it has failed, displaying self-criticism. Open
. Ask what you do not know, without fear of ridicule or passing by the ignorant, so we help others feel important and useful. Those who know say that the more intelligent and attractive is a person, more questions and listen.
Opin. Do not tell anyone what to do or give advice, it puts you in a position of power that ends up not liking. When I asked for advice, just opine and help the other person to find the answer.
Finally, do not play to become the sympathetic.

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The easiest way to succeed in all aspects is people becoming more open, tolerant and interested in what happens to others. Note that the maximum satisfaction of a person is to look inward and feel good, according to his way of being, thinking and behaving, the rest will come easily.

Finally, remember that an individual's hard to be loved and appreciated by all, recognized as a sincere, positive, genuine, cheerful, communicative and responsive, but can be highly valued by those around us without our personnel meet these characteristics as close to excellence.

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Narcissism: I'M IN LOVE WITH ME




narcissistic personality belongs to individuals who consider themselves superior to everyone else and think they should be admired at all times. However, behind this behavior is hiding someone with great esteem and emotional immaturity.

Greek culture is rich in myths that serve as reference to discuss the conduct of individuals that deviate from the behavior considered normal and healthy.

The legend related to this issue relates to Narciso was a beautiful girl whom everyone admired, but rejected the people who would approach him as it was full of pride and vanity. A nymph, named Eco, in love with this character, was repudiated by him, which caused pain to be consumed to be converted into simple voice (which is the origin, according to mythology, what is known as echo ie, the repetition of a sound).

Thus, a boy who had been despised equally by Narciso asked the gods that he received the punishment of love himself relentlessly. This plea was heard by the goddess Nemesis, who made the handsome young man falls in love with his image when she saw it reflected in a spring. So, unable to stop contemplating and embrace his face, remained there until he died of hunger. Card


Sometimes certain arrogance or presumption attitudes are classified as narcissism, but the reality is that this behavior goes much further, because a person with this type of behavior is extremely important and believes above all others , including his family, couples and friends.

also in great need of being adopted, it considers that deserves admiration and respect, and all those who live together must meet their needs and give special treatment (for example, to forgive their debts). Of course, he likes being the center of attention and conversation.

But this is just the beginning, they are much more the "virtues" of this kind of subjects, including:
Lack of empathy. Not able to take the place of another and share their feelings (be offended if, for example, a friend says he can not go to his party because his mother has just entered the hospital), in addition to being insensitive and distrust of others.

disdains his partner. Cree to be loved unconditionally, as well as being the most important in the life of his loving partner, believing it must be willing to meet all your needs, otherwise, take out your love.

Disclaimer. Know their true personality and loves overrated image of himself, thus denying a depressive state and any trauma that may have occurred. It is common in psychotherapy disavow problem.

Envy. Jealous of what other people have, and you are sure that others aspire to be like him and have their material belongings. Although it is known to prefer logic to feelings, I would be able to step into the shoes of another and retain its affordability.

Arrogance. Easily offended and reacts with anger when criticized, try to destroy or humiliate those who dare to do so, it is common in these circumstances such discussion assemble their preferred partners to agree.

Handling. Because it believes that others are designed to meet their needs do not hesitate to manipulate them and treat them as objects that serve to achieve their goals.

fantasies. Imagine you achieve success, admiration, beauty and power in unlimited amounts, but also aims to strike a perfect love and perfect.

Cree being the best. In the school has the certainty of being superior to their peers and teachers. Emits a high-security image itself, so you can convince others that there is nobody better than him, hence, often get great achievements in their work, although their nature may harm because they do not tolerate that their proposals be rejected and, as he thinks he knows everything, does not care about updated. Ie, emits a lot of excuses before accepting a failure, and prefer not to risk failure.

distorted interpretation. Exaggerate their successes and wins more skills than others to get them, but if things change fails, then blames it on external circumstances and bad luck.

Below the table
People who worship the ego actually lack of emotional maturity and self-esteem have diminished, so that they feel their individual value is almost nil but, paradoxically, instead of turning their behavior to be socially accepted hide such feelings and create a fantasy of grandeur and superiority to offset what happens in reality.

Thus, as internally know your ego is false, you need to continually demonstrate the superiority through the approval and praise from people with whom they live. So when it reacts with anger over criticism, and his belief that his personal worth has been threatened and tries to destroy who believes that humiliated him to show that what is said about him is false. Thus, attempts to recover the image to others.

However, little will be worth doing so because, as already explained, a narcissist is emotionally immature, overly concerned for himself and is incapable of thinking in others, do not understand, of course, that each individual has its own needs and aspirations, and freedom to act as they please. Child Ego


true narcissism is normal and even desirable for children, because children need to meet all your needs, and at this stage it is common for those around them ready to serve immediately.

A child, during the process of identity formation, needs to feel admired and recognized by their parents, that is, valued as unique as this will be the basis for the later realize that someone else is entitled to have desires and different needs than others.

This period is critical to discover and trust their own feelings, for which it is crucial that parents respect this and do not try to impose their views. That is, the child wants to be considered unique and important to that from this fact forms a self-identity and not depend on the approval of others.

However, when this need for recognition is thwarted, the child feels special, develop low self-esteem and may even think it is wrong to recognize their qualities.

Thus, reactions to this are various:

can promote dependent nature, focused on meeting the needs of others to get their approval
may be conducive to a dysfunctional personality, namely his ego is inflated to compensate for their lack of self esteem and insecurity. In short, the narcissist seeks approval and admiration he never had, but refuses to recognize this weakness and I choose to build a wonderful and perfect everyone should worship. Correct the path

is recommended that anyone who identifies with this personality type go to a psychologist or psychiatrist to support, through individual and group therapy, be aware of their behavior and modify it for themselves, family and people residing with him daily.

Some studies have concluded that there are factors that help to correct this problem, which are related to achievement, relationships and disappointments.

In principle, we should say that job promotions, graduations, academic or some other type of recognition is beneficial to understand what the narcissist competition is a realistic and, ultimately, lower their fantasies of grandeur.

also maintain a stable relationship is usually helpful for this type of person, so in principle difficult, since it requires someone who is balanced, confident and to be accepted as it is, of course, also must understand that their behavior will not change immediately.

Finally, it is necessary that narcissists are facing disappointments of all kinds, experiences that will serve to find emotional balance. For example, an individual who is used to obtain the best school grades may encounter, at some point in their life, with people of high intelligence and preparation and get mediocre grades in relation to that group, which will force him to make an adjustment in the perception of itself. However, for this to happen, the disappointment must be on par with the achievements, otherwise referred failure can lead even to aggravate his narcissism.

How to treat the narcissistic
If you must live with a narcissist will be useful the following tips:

is advisable not to relate emotionally to someone like that, because the need to feel superior attitudes can lead to insensitivity, arrogance and pedantry. In any case, we should attempt to take awareness of the problem and not let what you say affect you.
not try to change it, probably only make them angry, so think it is easier to modify their behavior than the narcissist.
is clear that an individual of this class wants to be always the center of attention and feel important, which can be very annoying for the others, but you have a little patience and, occasionally, hear stories about of his great achievements or say something to praise him. Remember that in the background create a worthless person and unworthy of being loved for herself, so much help show that this is not true. Hardly a narcissist
worry about the problems of others, so it is better to maintain a superficial relationship. If, for example, you feel worried or depressed and want to share their experiences with one of these people is very likely that he did not like the idea and refuse to listen to any confidentiality of this nature. Therefore, in these cases, you'd better find someone more receptive and not fall into the temptation of relaxing in a self-centered.
So, it's not bad that we face life with confidence and we are proud to have the self-esteem necessary to achieve our goals, if we do not fall into the excesses which have been described, it should be understood that a narcissistic self-condemnation social isolation and rejection.

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Vigorexia, ILLNESS OF PERFECTION



When admirable body obsession leads a man to spend six or more hours a day at the gym, you can consider that he is sick of perfection, that is, suffering vigorexia. What I do not know the patient may die without achieving their goal.

Just as anorexics see themselves as overweight, no matter how thin they are in fact the vigoréxicos look at themselves too small, regardless of how big they are. However, also called muscle dysmorphia, has not yet been recognized as a psychiatric condition, as if she is anorexic.

The vigorexia is summarized as follows: after hours of doing full routines in the gym, the athlete is never enough sturdy, find defects that prevent you from having the perfect body and feel the obligation to continue exercising for longer. This desire to be perfect takes the patient to anabolic steroid use can cause brain damage and liver, which could cost lives. Although

recently is considered a health problem, and has been the subject of scientific research, which vigorexia report that can be classified as an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), whose victims are driven to repeat simple routine or ritual movements, and to do things beyond his control, such as being constantly in the mirror, look in the extreme diet, supplements and rest, review their progress, regardless of time and place, and even shaving and apply soothing creams and oils to enhance their athletic figure.

But the symptoms are not left at that, because they also have:
-Desire to improve.
-need to break barriers and set new limits. -Ideal
personal physical beauty.
"I want a body out of the ordinary.
-urgent need to arouse desire or envy.

let us not into temptation ...

These scientific studies that tracked the problem seems to indicate that the exaggerated impression that something does not look good in the body has its origins in the chemistry of the brain, which produces a substance called serotonin-related directory pleasures through sight, taste and smell-that low yields will not find satisfaction in the senses mentioned.

seems that for that reason vigoréxicos suffer a distortion of body image that makes them feel your body is always small, and pulls them over and over to increase your muscle size. Likewise is triggered depression and anxiety.

The profile of these patients defined as low-mature, introverted, with problems of integration and security, and low self-esteem, who think they are unattractive to the opposite sex because of their physical appearance. They are victims of media that spread the model of strong, athletic man as a prototype for health and success, which can cause an obsession with the cult of the body and frustration among adolescents whose complexion is not adapted to such charges.

U.S. researcher Eric Hollander, compulsive disorder specialist at Mount Sinai School of Medicine (New York), suggests that inhibitor antidepressants selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors may be effective in patients with muscle dysmorphia.

Other scientists suggest that usual psychological therapies behavior modification, prescribed for obsessive compulsive disorder can also significantly help overcome this problem.

You can be very recognizable as vigoréxico time and avoid problems that socially isolated and can impair your health, so take it as the saying goes: not much to burn the saint, and while not shine.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

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FEAR OF COMMITMENT

Many people want to find a mate and establish a strong relationship but on the other hand, are afraid to make a commitment.

There is a theory that human beings grow under a sentimental bond, since children are part and belong to a family in adolescence, are part of a group of friends in youth, family relationships are taking the world the emotional bond. The process of emotional development in humans.

Viewed against this background, it appears that emotional engagement is a planned way and easy to follow, but in reality is a complex learning, difficult and for which we must try very hard.

To begin let's define childhood in the loving bond is directed to parents, siblings and family.

In adolescence this bond is extended with a so called "peer group or peer group", which seeks closeness, companionship and enjoyment with friends.

Upon reaching the youth, he begins to awaken the need to share experiences with a partner, you start at the first engagement where there are already feelings and stop being a game to be with another person, and consider the link love man - woman, or if love between same sex (gay and lesbian love is given in the same way.)

On many occasions, in conflict with oneself and there is a need have fun and be with friends and just as the need arises to be with the couple. It is time that people began to make decisions and learn to set priorities in relations with others and develop more capabilities to share and organize your tastes, interests and intentions about life.

At the entrance to the stage of maturity (25 to 30 years). The focus of motivation is primarily focused on finding a partner, or to consolidate married life through marriage or union. Many people want to find a mate and establish a formal relationship, but on the other hand, are afraid to make a commitment and this will cause much unrest and conflict in the interaction with others.

Fear arises from the expectation of change and adaptation to a different lifestyle. We must also recognize that currently the messages we give and we give about having a partner are messages that carry a negative, the rest in life, that is, there are more things that we lose that we won.

The consequences of the presence of fear is being unable to realize a strong and stable relationship with a person. Importantly, this is not free or that there are people who do so with the firm intention of harming others, rather it is a factor caused by an imbalance between what we face and the resources available to do so. We face a situation in which it appears that what we have is not enough, whether financial, emotional or psychological.

is necessary to comment that anyone who ignores their skills, present fear of situations that require compromise, such as in a job, a family, a financial debt or a couple and displayed the fears and insecurities that make it more fragile and weak under the circumstances. In these cases, the person tends to flee because they do not know how to take responsibility or face the face of adversity and it makes things so abandoned, whether his own job, her partner and their life projects. But

and how to distinguish a person in fear consolidation a relationship?

usually are people who fear the commitment to themselves, with their autonomy, they are afraid to be accountable for their actions and consequences, make decisions, express their opinions, which is transformed into a personality that easily at first and later adapted to all conflicts quickly and blames others or circumstances of what happens.

are people from small not been in contact with their autonomy and responsibility. The family has a fundamental role in the formation of these resources and capabilities, which for many reasons are limited since childhood, such as protection from the child, before being abandoned by their parents but are factors in these kinds of people.

On the other hand, people who have learned to establish rigid rules, so that they are imposed, they will do well with your partner, children and other people around them. They are demanding at the time of sharing, giving and receiving of the other, because they are always wanting more of what they are about applicants and when the relationship does not follow the expected course, come the frustration and the chance to break free change, and almost always blame the couple for what happened.

This rigidity leads to a psychological need to have everything always controlled and lose the location quickly if they feel they lose control and try to recover at the expense of whatever. The paradox of the matter is that control is lost in the moment that is shared with a partner and then appears insecurity and fear that causes anxiety and frustration and therefore tend to avoid relationships with people who can not control. Its main messages are about to act as the couple, as they should dress, how they should put their relationships with family, who should be their friends, etc.

Other people, who have difficulty expressing their emotions, are introverts, they are very conditioned to repress their feelings and express them. These people have without thinking too deeply and hold conversations tend to be superfluous to not show their insecurities and feel inferior, are popularly called "self-conscious."

These are people who are always "buts" for all things and all people, as well as situations that have to do with the establishment of a relationship. Also very common is the ambition of these people is very high. Keep your expectations very high for others, which unwittingly serves to catch any couples get.

These people are always doubting their partners are never sure if the couple the right person, or in many cases attempt to justify their doubts in shares that are not necessarily true, for example, say that their partners are unfaithful or who prefer others to them, whether the family the couple will always find a "flaw in the conduct of their partner." They are people who do not know themselves, and this lack of knowledge makes it look justification for their own insecurity and fear, blaming their partners.

As they are not prepared to compromise, look for flaws in their partner or friends to relieve your discomfort and make sure that the cause of failure is that the other person is not adequate and thus evade their responsibilities easily.

Usually the result in the relationship is breaking due to the lack of stability and not being able to exercise absolute control of the relationship.

The common factor in these relationships is fear that causes the commitment, and this is an emotion that occurs when we perceive a situation of threat and danger, although it is not real.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

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Achieve your goals



A life without goals and without goals is often an unsatisfactory life. The person who does not feel satisfied with their lives may need to outline some goals and put in place to achieve them, and thus give a new twist to his life, will give you energy motivación y ganas de levantarse por las mañanas.

El primer paso consiste en determinar tus objetivos. Pregúntate: ¿qué me gustaría lograr a lo largo de mi vida? Estas metas pueden ser de todo tipo. Algunas estarán relacionadas con tu futuro profesional, otras con tu vida amorosa y relaciones en general, otras serán de tipo espiritual, otras tendrán que ver con tu desarrollo psicológico, otras con el placer y la diversión. Algunas pueden ser grandes metas, como llegar a ser presidente de una multinacional; y otras pueden ser pequeñas metas, como comprarte un coche nuevo o visitar una ciudad cercana a ti. Pero en tu lista de objetivos a alcanzar sería un error que sólo incluyeras metas small, it is easier to give them up, do not mean much and can go running down the road. The major goals, however, are big dreams are wishes that may have kept from your childhood with the same intensity. No matter whether the other person's eyes seem insignificant. It is the opinion of others that makes your dream is a dream, but what you feel.

From a psychological point of view is very important to write these goals down on paper. Although it may seem superfluous, writing down your goals is a more powerful effect. It is the first step on your way to them. Therefore, write your goals, big and small, whether a few and if you make a list of 300. Write them in a small notebook and while I do think that this notebook can be with you for years, perhaps your entire life. Do not miss it ever. There will come a day when taches your first goal of the list (although not the first you've written) because that day you will have achieved one of your goals and you can start the next.

Surely, over the years go by adding new goals in your notebook, or you may decide to delete some that are no longer attractive resultarte over time. The important thing is to always have goals to achieve written in your notebook, until the day of your death. They will be the force that pushes you.

The passion: the great motivator

People have been successful in their lives without setting any goals. However, these people had a passion in their lives. Maybe a movie star never set out to become famous and wealthy with their work, simply passionate about acting and that's what I did. The rest just came, in large part because his passion drove him to strive to be better and do not ever stop learning, because it was committed to his work, because it was part of himself and his life. And surely would have been just as happy not to be so successful because he had turned his passion into his profession.
Passion motivates a person and makes agrees with what we want to achieve. The commitment is very important in reaching your goals, because it makes you persist and to press ahead against all odds. The person committed to its objective, he sacrifice and struggle.

Here we must add something important: if you persist in something, it is for passion, not afraid to take a different task. Goals and sub



Sometimes, larger and more complicated goals have to divide them into specific sub-targets. If one of your goals is to become president of a large company, you have to divide it into smaller goals, specific and achievable. For example, you can start up a small business. If that goal is not realizable because you have no money to start that business you have to think another subgoal more realistic, like looking for a partner, getting a grant, look for a better job to earn more money and power savings, etc. That is, no matter how hard or far it seems your ultimate goal, break it to find targets that can start implementing now.

Once established your goal or subgoal, you should focus all your energy and your effort in getting it. You must guard your mind carefully, to prevent it from sneaking thoughts that disrupt your plans, as "too", "this is going too slowly, so I'll make no never," "today I have no desire to work "," better leave this for tomorrow. "With thoughts like these haunt your mind, will not achieve anything at all. Destiérralos forever flush it out of your mind each time they occur, keep your mind on your goal and move on.
further
Let these enemies within

internal enemies prevent you from achieving your goals. Among them are the following:

indifference. If you have no goals, if everything does not matter if you just go along with others, then you will not get anywhere or get safely to a place that you find unsatisfactory and makes you unhappy. Do not be indifferent.

Indecision. If you decide not to board the train, the train leaves and you lose. Indecision makes you miss opportunities. It is better to get on the wrong train (you can always get off at the next station and return to starting point) than to lose by not being able to decide.

Doubt. Sometimes people doubt everything. Doubt that the conditions necessary to achieve their objectives, their fate doubt, doubt your ability, certainly others, fate, future, opportunities ... Doubt is destructive; get rid of doubt and optimism grows. It is true that we should not see life like a fairy tale, but not see it as a tragedy.

concern. We all have concerns and not worrying about something bad ... In for good measure! Concern says that there is something you should pay attention, something that has to work or look for solutions. But no more. Once you've paid attention, have you thought about solutions, you know what you can do and what not, and you've done, if possible, stop worrying. Do not let that concern you and cornered cornering, do not let stress and fill you mine your health. Make yours the following rule: "Worry only when worrying serve for something." When worry is useless, be optimistic. So if your business is sinking despite your efforts to avoid it, you lose business, but will retain your mental and physical health and strength to undertake anything else. Nothing is a tragedy if you do not want it to be.

The excessive caution. If you're too cautious to be afraid of many things. Do not ask for a promotion in your company for fear of not, do not embark on your own business for fear of failure, do not invest any money for fear of losing, do not risk anything, whether material or psychological, and nothing can win. If you want to achieve something you must take chances on more than one occasion. Take a chance now! Learning from failure



When you take a lot of time chasing a goal without reaching or fail several times, maybe you should ask if the goal 're after is something that you really want or do they want other people. Maybe in the end what you want is to chase your dream, your passion, but you think you have to do is something different. Thus, you have an inner conflict that prevents you focus your energy on that goal that you perceive false prevents you commit, you lack the passion and motivation, you're bored, get tired, and in the end everything that leads to failure. If you're in this situation, rethinking your goals and make your goals really are, not those of others, not what you think society wants to do. Maybe one day you can say: "I have reached the goal that so many people want, but if that's not your goal, if that's something that really you are indifferent or do not want, do not serve only to make you miserable. Sometimes we see others, see what they want and think that is what you have to love us. Do not choose this path.

What happens when you do not know what you want?

To find your goals and find out what you want to do, keep in mind:

-goals must be yours, not others. Do not let others determine what it means to succeed. For some, success may be money for other leisure and for other very different.

"Your goals should mean something to you. When determined, ask yourself: what is really important to me? What we really want? What am I willing to give or sacrifice to make this happen?

-Be specific. Although at first define your goal in a vague way, then attempts to define achievable and specific ways (as explained in the section on sub).

flexible goals "Look, you do not suffocate and to allow you to consider other opportunities that may arise in your life in the future.

"Your goals should producirte enthusiasm. It's something you want to accomplish and makes you wake up happy in the morning to work on your project.

"Your goals have to be consistent with your values, ideals and principles. If you do something goes against them, surely not a goal of yours, but of others. Listen to your intuition if you feel bad carrying out this project maybe you should replanteártelo.

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Overcoming a break?




Overcoming a break is not easy, and takes time, but there are some things you can do to get faster:

1. Control your thoughts. Now you tend to think of this person frequently, possibly spend enough time each day to remember, fantasizing his return, etc. Begins to reduce as much as possible the time you spend thinking about it. You will not be able to prevent the emergence of the memory in your mind, but you can cut those thoughts when they appear, telling yourself to "Stop, do not think he / she thinks or do something else" and focus your mind on something else. Do it all the time it takes, every time you look to yourself to thinking about your ex-partner.

2. Seek help and support from your friends. If you feel depressed to and with little desire to leave, ask them to push you, they take you out into the street. Tell them clearly that you need their help to get out of this.

3. Stay busy with with various hobbies, work, school, sports, etc.

4. Think (and Say to yourself several times) that can handle this, which is a stage, you should give yourself time to heal the wound, feeling better as you go time passes and you are perfectly able to cope. Remember that any breach involves a time of sorrow that we have no choice but to accept until it vanishes. Tell yourself / a, "Now I have had to pass this bad streak and feeling bad for a while, but I can stand it until it passes"

5. Do not forget that your life is composed of many things and people, that a person's life is much more than a relationship, and all these things together give meaning to our lives. Your life is not left empty to be without your ex, because it is full of many other things (all that with which you choose to fill it).

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Nine steps to maintain a good relationship



Research to discover what makes a relationship work, have found that people who maintain a healthy relationship and satisfactory perform psychological tasks listed below:

1. Emotionally separated from their families of origin, not to the point of becoming strangers, but enough so that their identity is separate from their parents and siblings.

2. Constructed based on emotional closeness and intimacy shared identity, while at the same time establishing the extent necessary to maintain their autonomy and independence. Ie, they have a unique identity partner and maintain their individual identities while.

3. Establish a rich and enjoyable sexual relationship and protect against intrusion by the obligations of work and family.

4. Couples with children are open to accept the role of parents and absorb the impact of the arrival of a new being in the family, but learn to protect the privacy of each and couples.

5. Face and master the inevitable crises of life and the couple, not flee from them or deny them.

6. Maintain the strength of the link between them in adversity. The couple or marriage must be a safe place in which both partners can express their differences, anger or conflict.

7. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

8. Care for and support each other, serve the needs of your partner's privacy, comfort and offer support and encouragement and ongoing support, helping your partner to grow and develop their skills.

9. Keep alive the romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while at the same time they face the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

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How to handle resentment? Practice optimism



What is resentment? Resentment is

:

feel hostility against a person or group that you think has wronged you.
unresolved anger over a negative event that has happened.
Enraged, emotional turmoil you feel whenever we talk about a particular person or event.
Inability to forgive, inability to let go and forget.
The basis of mistrust and suspicion that you feel when dealing with people or events that caused you pain in the past.
unresolved emotional pain you feel when you are unable to accept a loss.
The discomfort felt after spending much effort and energy to achieve something that eventually you lose.
The result of thinking you were a victim of unfair treatment without resolution the problem.
The prolonged suffering in silence when an open expression of pain is unwanted.
The resentment toward a person or group that you think you have been unable to accomplish certain things.
Feeling offended but remain silent when you think a person or group has ignored or denied your rights.
sometimes leads to depression. How does it manifest
resentment?

When a person feels resentment toward a person or group:

silently sulking in his presence or at the mention of his name.
was upset when music, a movie or a TV show reminds you of you have had unpleasant interactions with them.
Speak in a mocking or degrading them.
have nightmares or bad thoughts about them.
is blocked in their efforts for personal growth without knowing why.
feel angry for no apparent reason.
feel depressed, despondent, and finds himself going in circles when you try to overcome these negative feelings. Evita
mention or discuss any topic related to his latest angry or upset about them.
Grit your teeth and smile when you really want to cry when I hear about that person. Pretend
enthusiasm for being with that person when really rather not know anything about it.
How it develops resentment?

Resentment can be the result of:

passively accept negative treatment of others, never expressing negative feelings. OK
do something for others despite having the feeling or belief that you are being exploited. Try
others know your point of view and to ignore or deny the truth or wisdom of what you're saying.
View others who have not worked as hard as you think are successful and do not deserve the success they have had, that you should have it.
not get recognition for good work or performance while they do recognize the work of others. Work
hard and others succeed or prevent you from reaching your goal.
Someone who rejects you've tried to please.
Keep an impossible relationship with someone where you both if you like what you do, you get a negative result. Verse
humiliated or embarrassed by someone whose goal was to stoop.
be constantly rejected, unapproved, unaccepted, and abandoned by others.
be subjected to discrimination or prejudice.
be ignored, despised and rejected by a person or group who made sacrifices.
Someone in your care being treated unfairly without your requests to stop are taken into account.
Trying to please a person best but your behavior is never "good enough", whatever you do.
Realize that you are always one who makes the effort to bring this relationship forward, and that when you stop, the relationship ends.
make every effort to salvage a relationship, but the other person ends abruptly.
not ever have the chance to get compensation for the damage you have suffered.
What are the negative effects of unresolved resentment?

When you have not managed to resolve your resentment:

samples you hypersensitive or nerves when you remember the person or persons involved.
tend to deny any feelings of anger or hatred towards that person.
provoked or angry you feel when you see that people keep resentment against those who are recognized for their achievements.
you reproach your hostile, cynical and sarcastic, which becomes a barrier between you and the people they want to establish a healthy relationship.
you get stuck in your personal development.
You reject all attempts by others to get you to work on forgiveness and forgetting past offenses and damages.
resist all attempts to push forward with your life, including the suggestion that you have unfinished business with people from your past which you should work.
find it hard to open up and trust other people, especially in new relationships.
find it hard to believe that it will be recognized for your ability, courage, and accomplishments.
What irrational beliefs are at the basis of resentment?

Irrational thoughts are constructive thoughts that lead to intense negative emotions and unpleasant. Resentment is often accompanied by such thoughts that create, enhance and maintain over time without being able to solve them and move on with our lives.

No matter what I do, it's never good enough, so why try.
People going for me, so I reject them before they reject me me.
It makes no sense to resolve outstanding issues with people from my past who mistreated me.
all go after me.
Hard work, right living, and treat people fairly is a waste of time, do not get anything in return.
No way I can forgive or forget.
not accomplish anything of what you try. I always lost so far.
I'm destined to be a loser or a failure.
My life should at least be fair.
is best to put a brave face and endure, I'll never get anything with an open and honest approach.
I have never taken a break from the past, why should I now expect anything different?

What determines your success is who you know and not who you are.

Why do those people with little talent, working less, and struggle little, always seem to get ahead while I'm still stuck?

The price of hard work and effort appear to be failure and disappointment to me.
are all equal, why try to make friends or be liked?
never change, why try to change the situation between them and me.
There are always people more talented, more attractive, more competent and waiting to take my place.
How can you overcome the resentment?

techniques you can use to get rid of resentment include: Pets

unresolved resentment that exists behind your hostile, cynical and sarcastic, and decide to get rid of him.
Work on your feelings of anger toward these people.
Write a letter which details all the reasons for your resentment but not send. Identifies
triggers resentment (memories, situations, thoughts) and works to lessen its impact.
Do not get your thoughts brooding resentment. Focus on a different task and absorbing.
Try to see things from different points of view. For example, you can try to adopt the views of everyone involved. So you have a broader view and realistic.
can try to forgive, but it makes no sense to force yourself to forgive if you wish. Begins strive to accept that life is often unfair to everyone and you're not going to be an exception.
considers your whole life and everything that happens to you, good or bad, as a series of missions or work done. Some will be pleasant and some are unpleasant and painful, but all can learn something to help you grow.
Try to improve your self-esteem and sense of worth. Instead of focusing on the behavior of the other person and the evil they did or what you should do now to remedy this, try to focus on you and what you can do to improve your life in the face the future.
Ask for help from friends or relatives. Share with them your feelings and ask them to give you a hint when you slip into resentment. Change
thoughts about how unfair life is or the bad luck you have thoughts of change, hope and a better future. Cultivate optimism. I have things gone wrong so far does not mean that you will always go wrong.
Use self-affirmations and visualizations. Be prepared certain sentences or mental images for those times when you see your resentment and Tell yourself those phrases. For example: "I do not care why he did it, I have more important things to think about and spend my energy, so I will not stagnate with it." After an activity used to help you make the theme of your mind.
Ask yourself the chance to talk to the person involved and tell how you feel. Retrieves
activities or projects left unfinished or never even came to take what you wanted.
Five steps to overcome the resentment

Step 1:

To overcome the resentment toward a person or group you first need to identify who they are and what they did.

This responds in writing to the following questions:

A. To whom to keep my past or present some kind of resentment?

B. What did each of these people to hurt or offended?

C. How can these be real or imagined offense? Ie, to what extent am I being realistic?

D. What effect has the specific resentment against each of these people in my attitude about me and my future?

E. How I'm locked in my efforts toward personal growth by the resentment that I keep to each of these people?

Step 2:

Once you've identified each person to whom guards resentment resentment and how this has affected you, you need to develop a new way of looking at your past, present and future. To do this written answer the following questions:

A. What irrational thinking because I'm keeping my resentment?

B. How does the fact of getting rid of resentment help me develop a positive system of beliefs in my life?

C. How I can work my anger to be handled in an appropriate way?

D. What prevents me from expressing my anger in a way appropriate assertive?

F. What new behaviors need to develop adequately express my anger and get rid of this resentment that has my energy?

G. What I need to develop new rational thinking to overcome the negative impact of my resentment?

H. What positive effects in my life have done to get rid of my resentment?

I. What I need to develop new behavior to make sure no-show again the resentment? J.

What new attitudes need to develop after rid of resentment?

Step 3:

Now that you've seen a change in your attitude and belief system, you can:

A. Write in your journal a letter (never sent) to each person to keep that resentment. It lists all real or imagined offenses.

B. Explain why you think that that person treated you badly. Is it a real or imagined abuse? Is it a goal or abuse depends on your point of view of each person?

C. Forgive and / or forget the offenses, leave them in the past where they belong and look towards the future.

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Optimism is a mindset that everyone can use voluntarily if desired. To use wishful thinking, consider the following points:

1. Keep in mind that being optimistic does not mean denying reality. It is therefore important that thought is not only optimistic but also realistic. For example, suppose that it is night and your child or partner is delayed much, you know it is driving and very bad weather. Your thinking may be:

- pessimistic thinking, "You've had an accident." Thought-

unrealistic optimism: "He'll be fine, he / she is not never nothing bad can happen."

- Thinking realistically optimistic. "It need not have happened the worst, you may be stuck in traffic or has stopped until the rain subsides.'ll Wait and see what happens."

2. Do not focus only on negative outcomes. Considered all possibilities, both positive and negative thought need not have happened something wrong when there are positive alternatives (sometimes even more numerous, which more likely a positive result).

3. Trust your ability to solve problems and overcome challenges. If, before a problem, your first thought is: "I can not fix it, I can not, then you might not even try. Instead, try to generate ideas and possible solutions. If you can not think anything, wait a day or two and try again. Probably find a solution, and if not, at least I've tried to surrender rather than beforehand.

4. After a negative event ask: "What I can learn from all this? What I can get positive?" Negative events can teach positive things. Learn from them trying to focus on the positive lessons. For example, instead of saying, "This has taught me that I can not trust anyone" trying to say: "This has taught me that I have to learn not to give my trust to people soon, but expect to know better .

5. Keep in mind that problems or unpleasant situations are not permanent. Do not see it as something that will last forever. Remember the saying: "After the storm comes the calm forever."

Query: my partner had a relationship before stating that he lived a very beautiful and I admired a lot and now I fear I have nothing to offer or can not live up to what he lived with her former partner.

Answer: Possibly the error is to compare what you can live together with what she and her family lived. They are two different relationships. No matter how nice it was that relationship, it has nothing to do with your relationship, because every relationship is different and there is no reason to think that you can not be so special to her as was his former partner. Everything you should do together will be new, it will be with you. No matter if you have had sexual experiences have been satisfactory. Sexual experiences that live with you because they will be new to you. And the fact that these experiences are unique to it or not, depends on the relationships you have had before or on their degree of satisfaction, but the relationship that exists between you, love, communication, emotional connection, desire.

All that, when present, makes any experience is unique, although we have lived before with other different people. The same can be said about anything else you do together. Furthermore, having lived an experience once, does not prevent us re-live the second or third time with the same intensity and emotion. Think of something you really like and you'll have enjoyed it over and over again with the same emotion.

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Social anxiety. Ski to combat Psychologist




Social anxiety is in the appearance of excessive anxiety in situations that require interaction with others due to fear of losing face before them, look ridiculous, being teased or, ultimately, not being able to behave in the way that the person believes socially correct and, therefore, be rejected in some way. Although it is hard and people with this type of anxiety pass it badly enough, you can learn to overcome little by little with hard work and effort on your part.

In general, anxiety occurs when two things happen:

1. Do you think something unpleasant could happen in a social situation.

2. Think implications that happens would awful.

For example:

1: "If I express my thoughts, others may criticize me."

2. "It would be terrible to criticize me, I could not stand it if they did that prove that I am nothing, I'm no good ...".

These thoughts lead to feel an anxiety to be greater the more appalling considering the consequences. So to combat anxiety you first have to observe your thoughts and know what things you say to yourself that you are feeling that way. Then you have to analyze those thoughts, wondering if they are realistic, if you're exaggerating, if indeed the consequences would be so terrible if it is true you could not stand it. Then try to change that thought to one that makes you feel better and be more realistic, such as: "It is true that they could criticize me if I express my thoughts, but that's not necessarily a horrible thing. It's unpleasant, but their criticisms do not mean that I do not worth anything, it just means they think differently, to disagree or maybe I have not had a good idea, but that does not mean worthless. I am a person and all people are imperfect and make mistakes; therefore, I can make mistakes and sometimes I'll say something silly or a bad idea, as does everyone, but that does not makes us stupid because if so everybody would be stupid. "

This is a way to transform your thinking. And if you change your thinking will change your emotions, as anxiety is the result of a pattern of thought" catastrophic. "Above all, consider the following These ideas and make them yours:

- You're a flawed human being like everyone else, and therefore have the right to make mistakes or mess up. Stop deny that right.

- Making a mistake or do something stupid does not make us in failures or fools. One thing is what you and the other what you do. I can do something that is a failure, but that does not make me a failure as a person.

- Can not please everyone all time. Let what we do, there is always someone who thinks ill of us, so let's just accept that as one of the unpleasant aspects of life.

- What others think of us or our ideas are just opinions, not facts or absolute truths. If someone thinks you're a bad person so you will not be a bad person. Gives the opinions of others only their due importance, but no more. Aim

-anxiety support, rather than leave to feel: "if I get nervous or anxious I can stand in the end will, I am holding out as long, even a very unpleasant emotion not going to kill me, if I get anxious, because get me. "